I had children by a previous marriage and was visiting them every weekend which took me away from her when she really wanted us to be making a life of our own. This caused severe resentment and depression for her. She was conflicted because she really cared for the kids and made many personal sacrifices for them. We never had any children of our own. She insists that the guilt she felt afterwards was overwhelming. They talked it out and she told him she was acting out of anger and frustration, that she did not want me to ever find out.
But, they agreed to remain friends and have done so over the past 20+ years. My wife is staunchly religious, unbelieveably modest and although I cannot concieve of this happening in the first place, I am totally bereft of understanding of how she could be near him all those years without feeling shame and reliving the experience.
She claims that it was not about sex and there never were any feelings for him ever. So she put it all out of her mind like it never happened and just continued a platonic friendship. He was sort of a confidant for her. This is beyond my comprehension. I fight it with all my will but am losing the battle. Since this revelation, my blood pressure and heart rate are off the scale.
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My physician has prescribed meds that I know will slow things down but these will only add to my impotence which is the catch 22. I see no way out.
Thanks for listening…it has helped. It is, but only for the person doing the confessing, not for the person in your situation. Her description of the aftermath is not unusual as well, recognizing that the event was a How can I improve my one night stand? and mutually agreeing to not let it interfere with both futures. Over the years, they have developed an understanding about the single event and their separate lives have gone on, socially and at work.
Healthy people understand it for what it is and move on…as she has done. Please read our important below. As is common in these situations, you now have the problem of trying to figure out what happened, actually fantasizing what happened this is especially bad!
Your brain is producing emotional distress such as anger, guilt, resentment, and agitation due to these excessive fantasies. As a result, your blood pressure goes up and something else goes down. It will offer techniques to deal with the emotions associated with this situation.
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This will only increase your emotional and physical distress. Those discussions actually become verbally abusive after a while, forcing her to relive through Emotional Memory the most guilt-producing event of her life. Rehashing the event only prolongs your misery as well. Realize that this religious and How can I improve my one night stand? individual can make human mistakes.
In almost all situations like these, couples recover and continue on. Rather than make her feel bad for the event, support her for being open and honest with you. Develop a strategy for recovery as a team.
Our material is not intended as a substitute for direct consultation with a qualified mental health professional.